I mean, God judging that I was a “problematic child” and overall a bad person and sending me to Hell, I guess. 🙃

But, without talking about my religious beliefs, I’m afraid of doing something awful that I cannot fix or take back, in a moment of heightened emotion and lack of foresight, and hating myself forever for it. It’s the reason I stopped getting into random fights, after all. In the end, when you die, you die, there’s no more time for regrets, but if you kill then you have to live with yourself being a murderer, right? And I’m too self-aware to ignore it, and to see that if I ever started taking drugs to turn my brain and heart off I evidently have a problem and remembering the source of that problem would put me back to square one…