Please approach women in public. It’s okay.

I think if you talking to another person in a public place is automatically seen as a predator we failed as humans. Might as well be robots…it’s absolutely a good thing to talk to people

I like to talk to a room. i.e. i watch social cues to find an “in” then i try to start a public conversation?

So, this is one of the unfortunate traps of our time, especially if you live in a place with car dependent sprawl. Women don’t want to be solicited while at work or on personal business (groceries, gym, etc), and, really, nobody does. You want to work at work, and you want to do your business and go home otherwise. This goes doubly or triply so for complete strangers. There’s really no third places (as they’re called) left, where people go for the express purpose of being social and together. That’s what’s missing here. As someone else said, you are, unfortunately, both a little right.

It’s particularly bad in places like the US that have car dependent sprawl because

• cities often have had their zoning ordinances weaponized by NIMBYs, and it’s probably outright illegal to have a small cafe or shop in your neighborhood, or they’re required to have some outrageous parking minimum or something like that.

• driving sucks more than you may be aware of while you’re doing it. If you have to get into your car to go to the grocery, you don’t want to make five stops at smaller grocers throughout the week; you’d rather just make one big stop at the big box mart and just go tf home. If you want to stop at a cafe, well, just swing through the starbucks drive through so you don’t have to be bothered with getting out.

Well, chances are that most of your interactions at chain businesses and stores are anonymous, so you’re not meeting other people in your community there, you’re not creating any bonds or relationships there, you’re doing your business and getting out, which, frankly, is what they want. You’re especially not making any friends in the drive thru line. For nearly seventy years now, we’ve built our cities to be homes to cars, not people, and it’s bearing fruit in the form of the loneliness epidemic.

My advice to you would be to go out of your way to find situations where people are getting together for the purpose of being social or having fun. Look for classes put on by your local city parks, go check your local library’s bulletin board for events, check social media communities for your nearby city or town for groups that meet regularly. If you’re religious, seek out some religious institutions that you find palatable.

If you don’t try you won’t get, I’m pretty direct but I have friends who are way way worse than I am.

I generally don’t try unless I get at least a smile and/or eye contact held in my direction but I do think most women like to know if they looking attractive even if they aren’t interested.

Anyone who takes offense over expressing an interest would have been horrible to date anyway in my opinion.

If you wouldn’t strike up a conversation with a guy, don’t strike up a conversation with a woman. Be comfortable with conversations with strangers of whatever gender with no ulterior motive, and you’ll meet more people.

If you meet more people, your likelihood of finding dates will increase as a side effect.

If you are only approaching women, particularly women you find attractive, in places that are not generally for that purpose (bars, parties, swingers clubs), then you’re being a creep.

But regardless, it’s better to have interests, pursue those interests, and meet people with similar interests. Because when you have interests, you might become interesting, and someone might become interested.

Some people enjoy casual chat with random people, and some people find it annoying. There’s no right or wrong answer. It’s definitely not the only way to meet romantic partners, though, especially these days.

Do you ever make small talk with men with whom “you don’t have business?”

I’m assuming yes, you probably do. Speaking with women is the same, just be sure to pick up on cues if they don’t want to speak. In fact, I’d advise you to practice by making small talk with everyone you can, with no agenda, and pay attention to their cues.

would it be more liken to a place where its easier to talk to them, like a bar setting.

i’m not particular what you would call a normal guy and i have a lot of edgy views, but my take on this is simply that the main and by far number one reason why you’re not supposed to talk to women nowadays is because social media has instilled an outright fear of men in women.

you see, women are naturally very intelligent and pick up signals, even small ones, fast. if they see a hundred social media posts a day, and even one of them says something like “men are bad, keep away from them”, they will take the warning very seriously, even though there might be not much of a good reasoning behind it. maybe whoever wrote that social media post was only a crazy christian and was saying it because she was worried about staying “pure”. there are unfortunately christian people out there who think that “morale” and stuff like “staying pure [from men flirting with women]” are more important than understanding the social needs of the people. such is religion. over the internet it spreads like crazy. that’s why the women are all afraid of men. to which i respond with this meme:

(which means as much as: the fear is artificial and instilled; look at the actual predators. it is the rich)

My advice for you is: stay careful, as there are crazy “feminists” out there, who are only looking for a “catch”. For example, they want to test their “critique” on someone, and try to hurt you simply because they’re looking for a fight. but also, you must understand that only your heart will carry you forward, so you must listen to it. it is a difficult path to walk, but maybe you can try it.

I’ll make idle conversation with anyone. Some people are down some aren’t. I’m rarely trying for a date or romance. I just see where the conversation goes, sometimes to a date or romance.

Context matters a lot, which means you need to put yourself out there in the right context to meet someone. Examples: trivia night at the local bar, or a book club, or a local live music show. Most women aren’t gonna be interested if you approach them while they’re just living their lives grocery shopping or at the gym* or something - that’s not a social context. (*Unless you’re regulars at the gym and run into each other and chitchat all the time, but I’m assuming you’re not in that kind of situation.)

Once you’re in the right context, and you see a woman you’re interested in, start by very casually talking to her, and keep an eye out for signs of interest (e.g., turning in their seat toward you which indicates they’re giving the conversation real attention, or moving the conversation forward by making jokes or asking follow-up questions) or disinterest (e.g., one word answers with no follow-up engagement, turning their body away from you, mentioning a boyfriend). If you see signs of disinterest, just stop and let her be. But if you see signs of interest, continue the conversation. Don’t be too needy, don’t come on too strong, let the conversation breathe. And for godsake don’t buy her drinks, it’s cheesy and puts too much pressure on a new situation. Especially don’t buy her a drink without even asking her first, it’s pushy and I can’t speak for all women, but I fucking hate that. Ask her about herself, for example her interests. Try to get a gauge on whether you’re attracted to her on more than a physical level. If you have nothing in common, or you think she’s boring or annoying, there’s no sense in moving forward. But if there seems to be commonality and interest, keep the conversation going! If one of you is leaving, tell her you’re glad you ran into her that night and ask if you can give her your number (or email address or social media, whatever young people do, I’m middle-aged so I don’t know). But the important thing is that you’re offering her something rather than asking her for something. This means she can say no, or if she says yes, she still has the choice on whether or not to follow up with you. It puts the control in her hands which can make her feel more safe.

Good luck, I hear it’s rough out there for folks your age.

I approached someone before the pan and asked for her number. She provided it and while it didn’t go anywhere, she complimented me for doing a real-life approach. But I’m twice your age, so I’d go with what peers your age tell you. The rules could be completely different.

I’m forty, so a different generation than your parents, but I still grew up and had my first dating experiences before the internet. Online dating wasn’t really a thing here until I was in my early twenties.

At least where I grew up the guys who randomly approached girls to ask them out were seen as creepy even back in the 90s. I and everyone I knew met partners through activities like sports clubs, parties, bars etc. (I’m not from the US, so people from my school started going to bars pretty early). While there wasn’t a big discourse around men approaching women in public (or none that reached my little town), we did have some guys in town who’d just walk up to girls on the street and ask them out and the consensus was that they were weird and should be avoided.

I met all my partners so far through activities. My first boyfriend was a regular at the same student café and we ended up sitting next to each other during quiz night. I met guys I had dates with in uni - sitting next to each other during lectures and talking about the Prof, going to the same presentation or cooking night etc. None of them “approached me” in the sense of coming up to me and asking “can I have your number” with zero context. We chatted, had an interesting conversation. At the end we exchanged contact information to meet for a coffee, usually without any expectation of it being a date. When coffee went well, someone would ask the other out on a proper date. No approaching, no deciding within a few seconds wether you want to date someone. Just casually getting to know each other before asking for more.

I also met my husband that way. We went to the same event, talked, had a lot in common. We met the next day to continue a discussion about a certain topic we were both interested in. That’s when things started getting flirty and by the end we made plans to meet for a real date. I don’t even remember who asked whom, we were both heavily flirting with each by the time we talked about seeing each other again so it was very obvious the next meeting would be a date. He didn’t ask me out out of nowhere or hit on me, we were just getting to know new people and eventually we started flirted somewhere along the line.

Time to prank your parents. If you have a muncher older friend, have them approach your mom and start hitting on her. Later that night ask her about her day.