I’m 41F. I was married but separated 8 years ago. I was still young but was very traumatized and never really wanted another relationship. Lately I’ve been feeling a little lonely and would like to meet some new people but I moved and don’t have many friends here and the ones I have are younger and do younger people things (like going out at night. I’m too old for that lol). I wanted to meet some people my age, friends or dates, but almost everyone is married. I do cooking and French classes but again, only young people do that and I’m the “odd old lady”. I think people past 40 don’t really have hobbies or money to spend on them. I’m overweight so I can’t really use apps, and to be honest don’t really want. So how a single woman without kids (can’t have it) meet people?! Or do I just give up?! lol
I have a strategy where i’ll get’em really hot by showing off all my 99s, but it’s getting to that step that’s been the hard part.
I would find a group or club related to hobbies you have. Hobbies can start as a common interest, and as you get to know each other, things can grow from there.
It’s not a guaranteed “relationship finder” but you’ll at the very least make some friends.
I hope it’s not too personal of a question to ask, but are you straight, lesbian, or bi? Because each one of those kind of comes with its own set of suggestions. You obviously do not have to share if you do not feel comfortable with that. I just don’t want to be giving a lesbian hints about finding a guy, you know?
Yes you’re right. I’m a straight woman :)
Okay, so with hobbies, stuff you’re already interested in is a good start, but it might be helpful to explore some “guy hobbies” in the sense of like, find some hobbies that are more popular with men, and then find one that sounds like it could be interesting to you, and try to find a local group based on that. If you pursue groups with larger percentage of men, it’s easier to find someone you’re potentially interested in and vice-versa.
Just make sure you’re pursuing a hobby you’ll actually end up liking. Don’t be afraid to be like “Yeah, this actually isn’t for me.” That’s up to and including “These men are just not receptive to a woman in this space.” (You don’t want to waste your time with gatekeeping men)
Like, you’d be hard pressed in tech groups, which kind of have a history of being stuck up when it comes to women in “their” spaces (nevermind that women programmed the computers on the moon missions back in the day because typing was “women’s work” *rolls eyes).
Football or soccer might be a little easier, there’s still a lot of women in those circles, and less dopey men gatekeeping, at least in my experience . There’s still some of that, but I think women being into sports is more accepted than it used to be, compared to tech spaces.
A lot of guys are into role-playing tabletop games like Dungeons & Dragons, and while you can run into a lot of way too sheltered men in those groups, you can also run into really talented men who are good at math, acting, and strategy who are relatively well-adjusted. Stephen Colbert famously played a lot while he was growing up, and he attributes it to at least some of his acting and comedy skills.
You’re overweight? Make the gym your hobby. I’m a 48 year old woman and I go to the gym every day and lots of people to interact with.
It doesn’t even need to be a hobby in the sense that you’re always there. Going a few times a week gets you exposed to people and you’re getting more fit and healthier. And there’s usually at least self confidence that comes along to help with finding other hobbies if you want.
Okay, this post is only an hour old but it already has a ton of replies. I reallly hope you see this, though. I’m going to GBF you for just a couple of minutes.
First of all - girl, seriously? 40 year olds go out all the time for drinks. You should try going out with friends so you can keep an eye on each other, but every bar go to is filled with people our age. I’m ten years older than you, and I in no way feel like an old man in a bar. If you have a next day recovery concern, just limit yourself, or go on the weekends. Just make sure you’re taking an Uber and if you’re doing solo yolo let a friend know where you’re going and let them track your phone or something.
Second, apps can be toxic but they can also be gamed. You’re looking for a silver fox type, maybe with a bit of a dad bod is my guess. Put out for some headshots or other pro photos. There’s even a lot of amateur photographers who you might be able to find on insta who would be happy to do a quick session for a modest amount of money. Do yourself a favor and get a serious makeover and some new outfits first, because it will make you feel like your best self.
Third, it’s okay to just be looking to get dicked down even while looking for something serious. Don’t hang everything on finding your next life partner if you really are just craving physical affection.
There are tons of 40+ men who are single due to similar circumstances to yours. They’re at bars, and they go to concerts at local venues. They’re probably not going to be at the clubs the 20-something’s go to, but they have their own territories.
It really sounds like you have to see yourself as your best self, and up your game with that confidence.
Oh I don’t really care only about men. I really don’t have friends here. I moved here about a year ago, work from home witha fully international team. I think this circumstance of not talking to people for days made me lonely for company, not only men. Yes dick is nice and all but I think it’s more about company. I don’t really drink much and going to a bar alone is kind of sad and going with young people don’t really fit me, I’m pass some things. I was just looking for some new ideas :)
Look for a bar where there’s more than just drinking - pool, shuffleboard, trivia night, etc. There’s always a group that’s one person short. Find anyplace that you like - coffee shop, dog park, or whatever - and go at the same time each week. You’ll begin to see regulars and then it’s easier to start a conversation because they already feel familiar. Take along a book you like, read a few pages, and then set it on the table. A book looks more interesting than scrolling your phone and can be a good conversation starter. I went to a whiskey tasting recently and it was packed with men over 40!! Seriously, like 50 guys and 5 women! Liquor stores here do free wine tastings on certain nights- there’s always a line and everyone’s chatting while they wait- is this your first time, what are they sampling today, have you had it before, …
Do they have to be in person?
Well not really but I don’t like dating apps that’s like shopping from china lol
School board, local political groups and Kiwanis/ lions club. You’ll probably also find some ppl u align with politically this way.
Are you into bars at all? Finding a bar that already had regulars who are fun group is a pleasant way to make friends imo and you’ll meet people naturally once you know some people. All you have to do is scope out which one feels comfortable and visit at the same time each week. Obviously watch out for raging alcoholics, but lots of folks are healthy(ish) and just there for companionship.
I agree it’s hard to find new friends when being 40+. But I would avoid apps, and go for Meetup events. It just feels a lot lot more natural to share a walk, or some event, with strangers, since it’s easy to get going and talk about things.
Remember that it’s hard for everyone, even people in relationships to find new friends outside of the relationship. I had a female friend that I liked, but my partner got jellous and I couldn’t really see her anymore. I understand the reasons but it’s just a bit annoying.
Check your local library for adult programs.
I’d start looking at stuff like meetup.com, fun clubs in your area (climbing, gardening, aquariums, biking), and particularly singles adventure clubs. They are out there, and they are really fun. Not dating. Just making friends.
One night it will be swing dancing, the next week whitewater rafting. You get to choose what you like! They rented one of our chartered boats for a 4th of July out on the water when I used to bartend in college. Lots of cute men and women, generally 30s and 40s. They really seemed to be enjoying it :)
If you’re up for it – try a fitness group, hiking group, or gym, you might not meet friends right away but any time you spend there will still feel good and be good for you
Hardcore agreement with regard to hiking groups. I’m in my 50s and happily married, but my wife has MS and isn’t really able to join me on my hiking excursions. I have a brother and a nephew and a son who will sometimes join me on my various expeditions, but they aren’t consistent partners, which is fine, so I’ve since turned to a local hiking group that has things happening on any given weekend.
I’m not single or even remotely looking for a relationship, but I’ve definitely seen some younger people find romantic partners in our little hiking group.
Mutual Aid/Food Bank/Volunteer around your city, or start a group and invite people around.
Local park and library/college may also help, where groups tend to meet.
Gyms also have classes for different age groups, may take a bit to figur out though!
Quick search:
https://bestlifeonline.com/hobbies-for-your-40s/
Some of these are common sense and good ideas!
Best way to meet new people is when doing things you love!
Loved the link, thanks!
I think that depends on the groups that exist near you.
I know someone who was in a similar situation (divorced around 50), and she found a local hiking group of divorced people who wanted exactly what you’re looking for. So maybe ask on a local group on some social networks?
Hiking specifically is great because it’s an activity that both kinda forces people to talk, and also supplies a default topic for conversation (It’s also free, healthy and doesn’t require special skills). If you’re not into hiking, maybe a book club? Volunteering groups, like other people suggested, also fits that bill. Point is, don’t just look for [an activity] with people your age, think about how much that activity is conductive for making friends. Something with 10% people your age, but that encourages talking with each other, might be better than something with 90% people your age where the group listens to a teacher together and then everybody does their own thing separately.
Also, It might actually get easier to find new people in a few years. Some people wait for their kids to grow up/move out before divorcing, which creates a spike of single people at that age.
I’d like to know too.
My childhood friend ditched his family and swapped for a younger woman from work about a decade ago. Marriage was not the happiest, but I think he jumped the gun. Now the younger woman ditched him and he’s alone. His now teenage child is keeping touch, but is not happy about their history.
Guy is miserable and I’m afraid suicide is an option.
Can’t get him to take a new hobby, interest or activity. He’s been drowning himself in work and I don’t think it’s helping.
With men it’s easier because there are men’s groups. Have your friend join a men’s group. I mean, if he wants to get over his shit. If he’s asking. If he’s not, you can’t really help him.
In my area, a medium sized U.S. city, there are no male specific groups.
there are plenty of “women in (insert hobby)” groups and other groups that are designed towards what are considered minorities (in the U.S.), which meetup groups seem to exist for everything except for men, unless the man is also gay or racist or black or transitioning, etc.
i think many people in my area assume that any group which doesn’t name a specific minority, is a ‘male’ group but it’s not the case at all. i constantly have trouble finding social activities, because i’m a straight white male. i don’t fit in with any of the local meetup group demographics and don’t drink or care about sports or videogames.
so in my opinion and experience, i wouldn’t say it’s easier for men everywhere, just in certain locations perhaps.
Where are these “men’s groups” you speak of? As a “man,” I’ve not heard of any, at least none that aren’t inherently linked to toxic masc MAN-man personality traits.
They exist. There’s a local group that meets up for a walk once a week and anyone’s welcome.
If there’s not one near you? Then be the change you want to see.
For me, men’s groups have been a way to not shoot myself in the head. That’s the key thing in this context. If you’d like to know more, google it.
Obviously stay away from the ones that encourage people to be toxic. That kind of group isn’t helpful.
Some suggestions, either online or local;
Bookclubs
Walking groups
Chess, board games, table top
Theater groups (meetup groups to go to the theater as a group)
Escape room group meetups.Depending on if you are in a city or a smaller town the locals options will vary. I’d look at meetups site and browse local activities. For most any activity you will find a range of ages, but some will skew more one way than another.
Best of luck!
I met my partner via Hinge app. We started hanging out on a regular basis and the relationship happened organically over time.
The world of dating apps sucks these days. I liked when they were in the form of email. I would write long opening messages that revealed my personality and met people pretty easily. Now they’re modeled like test messages. I am not great a stupid small talk. It made things harder for me.
Good luck! It’s easy to feel down about meeting people at this age, but also one of my best friends is someone who I met via a dating app. We both knew we weren’t right romantically, but remained pals. She and her husband come join us for movie night and such. I guess I’m saying don’t lose hope.