Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/
And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.
🤣
Remember Stephen Colbert’s satire? Conservatives loved him.
Satire of something already completely outlandish is problematic.
What problem did that cause? It only made everyone else laugh at them harder.
You could accidentally create new conspiracies, that people legitimately believe.
I don’t think that ever happened with Colbert, did it?
People’s definitely agreed with and used his lines of argument, even though he intended them humorously. I don’t know if he put out any conspiracy theories.
I just don’t think the people who believed him and used his lines of argument were taken seriously either except by people who were already in their bubble and weren’t going to come out.
I’m too tired to make this witty but something about it leading to the MAGA movement being a bubble
What was the “gut” thing again?
PrObLeMaTiC
it’s when there are problems
Do they have rights to use Jones’ likeness, in the sense of reposting old clips and the like?
They said they have everything.
So…the onion is now donating money to Alex Jones.
Thats kinda fucked.
nope
It’s a bankruptcy auction, and he’s bankrupt because he was sued by Sandy Hook families. Some of those families gave money to the Onion to buy InfoWars so Alex Jones is losing his platform and his money.
It sucks for him more than it helps him really.
It doesn’t help him at all. As a bankruptcy auction they’re taking what they can get and forgiving the rest. If the auctions had gone over settlement price it would’ve helped him, but that wasn’t going to happen, you don’t really get bankruptcy when you have salable assets whose expected value exceeds your debts.
That’s not how bankruptcy filings work
Fucking awesome. Onion has been hitting it hard lately, and this is just the cherry on top. I am hopeful this makes some chuds question their minds.
Info Wars might actually become credible
deleted by creator
Wouldn’t that be ironic
Alanis Morrisette plays
Finally some good news!
I mean, it’s already half way there, all they got to do is make it funny
This was not on my bingo card.
Gaetz?
i’ve just read that quote
Honestly, considering how much of a clown Alex Jones was, they have their work cut out for them if they want to compete at comedic levels!
Either way, this may be the best news I’ve heard all year, thank you!
I wonder if this gives them the rights to all of Infowars’ library of footage. Maybe they could “keep” Jones as a host by cutting up old clips kinda how South Park did with Isaac Hayes for Chef’s last episode.
Up for grabs at the auction were Infowars production rights and materials, the Infowars store, domain names, production equipment and other assets — including a Terradyne armored truck and a Winnebago motor home — that can be purchased in their entirety or in parts, according to the firm, ThreeSixty Asset Advisors. Jones broadcasts from the Austin, Texas, area.
Considering what The Onion has been able to do with manipulating video for the sake of comedy, I can’t wait to see what they do with any of their footage.
I’ll take the middle third of the Winnebago, just carve it out and drop it on Nick Fuentes’ lawn, thanks.
The “shitter’s full” third I hope.
One of the few good uses for generative AI I’ve seen.
I hope they own Jones’ likeness to the point where they can give DJs the rights to remix his shouts into something of value.
Like this? https://youtu.be/9JRLCBb7qK8?si=sDYZT5z_FlyiMan-
https://youtu.be/9kAEoCHANYY?si=LHq8QiiufT73XKqM
Or my personal favorite
Train an AI model to produce new shows with him as the host
This just in! I’m turning my frickin’ self gay! I’m selling the supplements that will get you there too! The deep state wants to control us! NO MORE! You’re not gonna get my frickin’ dna to fight in your wars! You’re not gonna push us around!
eats handful of supplements
These Pro-homoerotics are literally the best on the market. I just now took them and I already want to tear my clothes off and throw the cameraman on this table!
Help support InfoWars and fight the deep state! I can’t do this without you guys and now I want to do you guys!
They don’t want you to know this, but the ducks at the park are free!
Next week’s headlines “Alex Jones appointed as Secretary of State” or some other wackass shit.
Press secretary would be perfect.
Ok, but surgeon general would be hilarious
The Surgeon General hawking supplements in official statements would be peak America.
Full on C. Everett Coop style sending pamphlets to every home in America except instead of it being a genuinely courageous and heroic act of medical ethics, providing information on how to prevent the spread of HIV even when those acts went against his religion, this will be explaining how to prevent the woke mind virus using his leaded brain pills, now with extra cadmium
Wait, what? Which parts of this are satire now? I read the Onion piece that Global Tetrahedron was purchasing InfoWars, but this is a Guardian story saying The Onion is purchasing it? I’m a bit confused.
It’s on APNews too - it’s real
It’s not satire, they are purchasing it for real.
I genuinely don’t know how they plan to make a parody of InfoWars that will not be indistinguishable from the original thing.
The funniest thing to do would be to turn it into either a legitimate leftist new site or a leftist themed nujob conspiracy mill (though I don’t know how that would work).
I’m hoping for something similar to what The Colbert Report used to be.
leftist themed nujob conspiracy mill
The Republican party is ripe for conspiracy theory targets.
Epstein had close ties with Trump and his attorney general Bill Barr (whose father hired Epstein to teach at a prestigious private high school without a college degree, where he was known for ogling the high school girls and showing up to parties where underage drinking was happening). The waitresses and hostesses at Trump’s Mar a Lago were also regularly recruited to work at Epstein’s island. Alex Acosta, the federal prosecutor who agreed to a secret plea deal where Epstein served a slap on the wrist in a local jail instead of real prison was later elevated to Trump’s cabinet, as Labor Secretary.
Now, Trump has named another child sex trafficker as his nominee for Attorney General.
There are suspicious ties between the Saudi royal family and key members in Trump’s orbit, including his son in law Jared Kushner. Elon Musk has been doing sketchy shit with the Saudis and the Russians, as well. Basically everyone in Trump’s circle, including his nominee to be the director of national intelligence, has shady ties with foreign adversaries.
There’s lots of other little things about financial profiteering by the Trump folks: an SBA COVID bailout that went to huge businesses, a move to privatize or sabotage the public postal service and the weather service to help the private competition, arbitrary or politically motivated regulations to help certain businesses while hurting others, etc.
I mean, it really wouldn’t be hard.
The hard part would be doing it in a way that pulls in the kind of people who listened to Alex Jones.
“The rich intentionally causing global warming to make people have to use cars”
The global oil cartel and billionaires such as the Koch family are funding media and politicians to convince you and your neighbors to continue burning oil and using plastics recklessly with zero regard for the fact that they’ve known for decades that this is increasing global temperatures and killing people. It’s right under your noses folks, and they don’t want you to notice. They’re even running secret campaigns on social media to convince you to spend more time hating your neighbors and to convince you to be angry about policies that not only hinder their nefarious plans but grant you the freedom to choose how you get around town while reducing traffic! They’re even boldly lying to your face about this! Look with your eyes! November used to be snowy! Nowadays the fine people of the Midwest are wearing shorts in October and these corporations and cartels are telling you that the climate isn’t changing and that it’s not a problem! [incoherent shirtless screaming]
Bingo. Slowly turn them onto each other…
Yes but slowly and using language they’re familiar with. Lure them into it
They’re very, very good at it
I for one am excited to see what they are going to do with it.
Listen, I keep saying that reality is better satire than satire, BUT COME ON!
very funny, very stupid
Well, their work is half done already!
Great idea. Who didn’t like the Colbert Report? Could turn out like a right-wing populist Repor!
But he’s got a serious side. You know what those globalists are doing…
