Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/
And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.
🤣
I hope they keep Alex Jones’s communism financing operation going.
Do they have rights to use Jones’ likeness, in the sense of reposting old clips and the like?
They said they have everything.
The funniest piece is going to be seeing old followers believe it’s still the InfoWars they know and love. It took forever for people to stop eating the onion in large numbers, and it still manages to happen on occasion.
There is opportunity here. Initially, anyway.
Looks like it’s been down since January. Do you think people are still trying it?
I still have OSINT on my podcast roll even though Bazzell quit. Maybe it’ll come back? I’m sure others have done the same.
I think there’s always going to be that group of people. Another example: folks that didn’t notice that The Colbert Report was satire.
I thought Glenn Beck was satire. Watched it several times and then one day … wait, that’s not a joke?
Beck sounds batshit. Right there with you.
YESS!
A part of me actually wished that the Onion would have purchased InfoWars, but in secret, like maybe under a subsidiary corp that has a right-wing sounding name.
They don’t change Infowars’ branding or anything but the articles become subtly liberal.
Maybe an overt purchase is better but I really want to troll the right.
A part of me actually wished that the Onion would have purchased InfoWars, but in secret, like maybe under a subsidiary corp that has a right-wing sounding name.
"Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. "
don’t change Infowars’ branding
"Founded in 1999 … InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses.
…
InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. … a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars."
I’m absolutely not disagreeing with you; I believe the onion will continue on doing “its thing” and keeping on-brand for both entities. Do exactly what you say and publish articles either believable or outlandish enough to break through to people
“Do your swastikas send the right message to your neighbors? Maybe try this instead…”
I don’t think they have to. People are going to consume it like it’s the same old. Inertia and assumption.
Best news I’ve seen in weeks
I genuinely don’t know how they plan to make a parody of InfoWars that will not be indistinguishable from the original thing.
The funniest thing to do would be to turn it into either a legitimate leftist new site or a leftist themed nujob conspiracy mill (though I don’t know how that would work).
I’m hoping for something similar to what The Colbert Report used to be.
leftist themed nujob conspiracy mill
The Republican party is ripe for conspiracy theory targets.
Epstein had close ties with Trump and his attorney general Bill Barr (whose father hired Epstein to teach at a prestigious private high school without a college degree, where he was known for ogling the high school girls and showing up to parties where underage drinking was happening). The waitresses and hostesses at Trump’s Mar a Lago were also regularly recruited to work at Epstein’s island. Alex Acosta, the federal prosecutor who agreed to a secret plea deal where Epstein served a slap on the wrist in a local jail instead of real prison was later elevated to Trump’s cabinet, as Labor Secretary.
Now, Trump has named another child sex trafficker as his nominee for Attorney General.
There are suspicious ties between the Saudi royal family and key members in Trump’s orbit, including his son in law Jared Kushner. Elon Musk has been doing sketchy shit with the Saudis and the Russians, as well. Basically everyone in Trump’s circle, including his nominee to be the director of national intelligence, has shady ties with foreign adversaries.
There’s lots of other little things about financial profiteering by the Trump folks: an SBA COVID bailout that went to huge businesses, a move to privatize or sabotage the public postal service and the weather service to help the private competition, arbitrary or politically motivated regulations to help certain businesses while hurting others, etc.
I mean, it really wouldn’t be hard.
The hard part would be doing it in a way that pulls in the kind of people who listened to Alex Jones.
“The rich intentionally causing global warming to make people have to use cars”
Bingo. Slowly turn them onto each other…
The global oil cartel and billionaires such as the Koch family are funding media and politicians to convince you and your neighbors to continue burning oil and using plastics recklessly with zero regard for the fact that they’ve known for decades that this is increasing global temperatures and killing people. It’s right under your noses folks, and they don’t want you to notice. They’re even running secret campaigns on social media to convince you to spend more time hating your neighbors and to convince you to be angry about policies that not only hinder their nefarious plans but grant you the freedom to choose how you get around town while reducing traffic! They’re even boldly lying to your face about this! Look with your eyes! November used to be snowy! Nowadays the fine people of the Midwest are wearing shorts in October and these corporations and cartels are telling you that the climate isn’t changing and that it’s not a problem! [incoherent shirtless screaming]
Yes but slowly and using language they’re familiar with. Lure them into it
They’re very, very good at it
I for one am excited to see what they are going to do with it.
For me, the cherry on top is how the “InfoWars” name is still completely apt, for completely different reasons.
Where is Alex Jones on now?
Hasn’t Trump appointed him head of media relations, or something equally as stupid?
If Alex Jones becomes press secretary, I’ll be convinced that this is all a simulation.
I would love that. The only person on earth less coherent than Trump. Imagine the memes we would get out of that.
Every so often, I see a car with an InfoWars bumper sticker.
I wonder what those people will do?
No idea. Maybe they’ll keep it like the Gadsden Flag holdout libertarians? “We were here first” and all that.
Honestly, I was thinking about the people out there with tattoos. There has to be at least one.
Reformatting InfoWars as a serious, unironic branch of the Onion that deals with misinformation would just be great.
That would be hilarious. I’d love for it to wind up just doing serious journalism
I gotta find out what the Knowledge Fight folks have to say about this.
I am waiting for the next episode to drop. Biggest episode ever.
Is Dan the loud one? I’ve never learned their names, but I’m waiting for him to scream something about them horning in on their territory.
Dan is the guy that knows stuff. Jordan is the loud sidekick comic relief.
It took me a while to realize this is actually true. Reality is amazing.
Next week’s headlines “Alex Jones appointed as Secretary of State” or some other wackass shit.
Press secretary would be perfect.
Ok, but surgeon general would be hilarious
The Surgeon General hawking supplements in official statements would be peak America.
Full on C. Everett Coop style sending pamphlets to every home in America except instead of it being a genuinely courageous and heroic act of medical ethics, providing information on how to prevent the spread of HIV even when those acts went against his religion, this will be explaining how to prevent the woke mind virus using his leaded brain pills, now with extra cadmium
Is it The Onion? Or Not the Onion?
Yes
Today, The Onion ate.
I wonder what they paid 🤣
To quote the Onion themselves:
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.
Their adherence to the technically correct is awe-inspiring.
truly the wildest of timelines
Make reality boring again
Honestly, I would love for them to turn it into just a bastion of info. Just detail the goings-on of the current government.
Musk just had a judge in Texas say they’re going to review the bid. I guess we know who the other bidder was now.
They should send Alex Jones a $1 “royalty” check every month - just so that he doesn’t forget it.
Make it $0.01. No need to waste too much money.
Nah. They should just make sure the checks bounce.
Nah, send his victims fund a royalty check and him a confirmation of delivery.
That works for me, too.
Wait, what? Which parts of this are satire now? I read the Onion piece that Global Tetrahedron was purchasing InfoWars, but this is a Guardian story saying The Onion is purchasing it? I’m a bit confused.
It’s not satire, they are purchasing it for real.
It’s on APNews too - it’s real
