Here’s Why I Decided To Buy ‘InfoWars’ By Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO ☞ https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/
And let me say, I really do see it as a family. Much like family members, our brands are abstract nodes of wealth, interchangeable assets for their patriarch to absorb and discard according to the opaque whims of the market. And just like family members, our brands regard one another with mutual suspicion and malice.
🤣
How could you tell the difference?
Who did they give money to? Maybe it would’ve been better if they just created a offbrand infowars.
It was being auctioned for the victims but there was also the real risk that a supporter would win who would let him he continue on business as usual. So definitely money well spent.
The assets were auctioned off to pay his debt to the families of the Sandy Hook shooting.
So effectively they gave money to the families of children killed in a school shooting that he slandered in cruel and vile ways.Given that the families pretty reasonably dislike him, the added bonus of his creation being used to openly mock him and promote a message they endorse is quality icing on the cake.
One thing the headlines aren’t mentioning is that the families actually even helped fund a portion of the Onion’s bid.
In order to make the bid work, a lawyer representing the families told CNN that the families “agreed to forgo a portion of their recovery to increase the overall value of the Onion’s bid, enabling its success”.
Ha! I didn’t see that at first. I love “fuck you so hard that we can and will put a significant dollar value on it being more humiliating”.
Ha!
The sale follows a judge’s order earlier this year for Jones to liquidate his personal assets, to help him to pay off the $1.4bn he was ordered to pay the families of victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting…
I believe this money goes to the victims’ families
Probably the money paid for whomever Alex Jones lost lawsuits against – so like Sandy Hook victims.
Best news I’ve seen in weeks
That pushed me over the edge to subscribe to the print edition
It took me a while to realize this is actually true. Reality is amazing.
Saw the news on their YouTube. Looked it up thinking it was satire and sure as shit it’s not. Probably the fastest I’ve ever purchased merch ever. Gonna love wearing my onion shirt, always loved them but this was the point I needed to send them some money because this is hilarious.
They just brought back print and it’s been very satisfying for me so far.
I’m glad you mentioned this, I just signed up for a year of print
Happy to help!
They need new merch with the infowars logo almost the same but with an onion dotting the i
I thought that was a joke. But regular news sites are running the story. So maybe it’s real?
It’s real. Their new owner is very rich and doesn’t give a fuck
I saw a TikTok of Alex crying about it. It is real.
That’s really amazing. Their joke article was hilarious even as a joke. But the fact that they really bought it is beautiful.
I wonder what they paid 🤣
To quote the Onion themselves:
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. And yet, in a stroke of good fortune, a formidable special interest group has outwitted the hapless owner of InfoWars (a forgettable man with an already-forgotten name) and forced him to sell it at a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars.
Their adherence to the technically correct is awe-inspiring.
My favorite part of this:
…Collins said that “part of the reason we did bought InfoWars is because people on Bluesky told us it would be funny to buy InfoWars” adding that “those people were right” this “is the funniest thing that has ever happened”.
That also sounds like the kind of prank that Cards Against Humanity would pull if they had access to as much cash. I love this so much.
This is what I call a master class on starting a soft revolution: you take over a symbol of the opposite ideology, in the most outrageous and ridiculous way, make it known to all, and completely subvert it and deconstruct it, piece by piece, until it stops making any sense to its former self.
Like the right keeps doing with memes!
deleted by creator
Memes come and go too fast for that.
And yet a meme from a decade ago is about to become a government office
Which one?
Doge. Much old. Very beaten into ground
Oh. That one.
And CNN
and words too. Even words get to mean exactly their antonyms :/
The funniest piece is going to be seeing old followers believe it’s still the InfoWars they know and love. It took forever for people to stop eating the onion in large numbers, and it still manages to happen on occasion.
There is opportunity here. Initially, anyway.
A part of me actually wished that the Onion would have purchased InfoWars, but in secret, like maybe under a subsidiary corp that has a right-wing sounding name.
They don’t change Infowars’ branding or anything but the articles become subtly liberal.
Maybe an overt purchase is better but I really want to troll the right.
“Do your swastikas send the right message to your neighbors? Maybe try this instead…”
I don’t think they have to. People are going to consume it like it’s the same old. Inertia and assumption.
A part of me actually wished that the Onion would have purchased InfoWars, but in secret, like maybe under a subsidiary corp that has a right-wing sounding name.
"Today we celebrate a new addition to the Global Tetrahedron LLC family of brands. "
don’t change Infowars’ branding
"Founded in 1999 … InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses.
…
InfoWars has shown an unswerving commitment to manufacturing anger and radicalizing the most vulnerable members of society—values that resonate deeply with all of us at Global Tetrahedron.
No price would be too high for such a cornucopia of malleable assets and minds. … a steep bargain: less than one trillion dollars."
I’m absolutely not disagreeing with you; I believe the onion will continue on doing “its thing” and keeping on-brand for both entities. Do exactly what you say and publish articles either believable or outlandish enough to break through to people
Looks like it’s been down since January. Do you think people are still trying it?
I still have OSINT on my podcast roll even though Bazzell quit. Maybe it’ll come back? I’m sure others have done the same.
YESS!
I think there’s always going to be that group of people. Another example: folks that didn’t notice that The Colbert Report was satire.
I thought Glenn Beck was satire. Watched it several times and then one day … wait, that’s not a joke?
Beck sounds batshit. Right there with you.
“Tim onion” got an irl lol out of me
OMG i can’t stop giggling about it too
Is that a Trump “Tim Apple” reference? I wouldn’t have even noticed if you hadn’t called it out.
What’s special about his desk?
They’re talking about the infowars desk.
Okay, what’s so special about it?
ben also replied saying he’d hold it for knowledge fight, so there’s an incredible chance we might see knowledge fight use it at some point.
im sorry but the owner’s name is tim onion. please publish a correction.
For me, the cherry on top is how the “InfoWars” name is still completely apt, for completely different reasons.
Where is Alex Jones on now?
Hasn’t Trump appointed him head of media relations, or something equally as stupid?
If Alex Jones becomes press secretary, I’ll be convinced that this is all a simulation.
I would love that. The only person on earth less coherent than Trump. Imagine the memes we would get out of that.
Every so often, I see a car with an InfoWars bumper sticker.
I wonder what those people will do?
No idea. Maybe they’ll keep it like the Gadsden Flag holdout libertarians? “We were here first” and all that.
Honestly, I was thinking about the people out there with tattoos. There has to be at least one.
I gotta find out what the Knowledge Fight folks have to say about this.
I am waiting for the next episode to drop. Biggest episode ever.
Is Dan the loud one? I’ve never learned their names, but I’m waiting for him to scream something about them horning in on their territory.
Dan is the guy that knows stuff. Jordan is the loud sidekick comic relief.
Reformatting InfoWars as a serious, unironic branch of the Onion that deals with misinformation would just be great.
That would be hilarious. I’d love for it to wind up just doing serious journalism
Well they only need to do the first part of that.
