I’m currently in college to go into GIS (Geographic Information Systems/Science) and lemme tell ya I think more people in 1700 would understand “cartographer” than they would today.

I take food from the baker and carry it to people’s homes directly in exchange for custom. We call it “being a delivery girl”. The amazing part is what the baker makes, it’s called “pizza”

My job is to digitize cassette tapes, VHS tapes, and other magnetic media.

So first I’d have to explain the miracle of how we managed to capture moving images and sounds onto these thin strips of plastic covered in rust. I’d follow that up by explaining how that technology is now considered quaint and out of date, and that these days we just get a thinking machine to remember that sort of thing for us.

So basically we have these extremely powerful but terribly stupid machines that can basically do anything as long as you know how to talk to them and tell them exactly how to do what you want them to do. I’m that guy who talks to these machines and make them do what people want.

I make energy (a word describing the measure of the invisible magic which makes sea waves happen, the sensation of warmth of the sun on your skin, and the effort you put into lifting heavy rocks) move around really, really, really fast, and lots and lots of it too.

Controlling this ‘energy’ is a difficult task because if you give it even a little chance, ‘energy’ will escape in the easiest, most useless way possible. Half my job is planning how to prevent energy from escaping without doing something useful first.

Is your dad actually your dad, or is he your brother? Well my job uses your blood to find out these questions and more. We mix your blood with glowing ingredients, and compare the illuminated patterns that we see when we shine light on it with those of your family members, as well as compared to a rough reference mishmash of all blood we’ve collected so far.

Can you offer me your arm, please?

Before the melancholia debilitated me, I worked a long time as an unguilded teamster.

I steer gigantic metal birds pulled by armies of horses carrying dozens of people, to the antipodes… in less than one day… using dead animal juice.

For sure they’d understand. My job had been around for quite a while (not a hooker)

My official work title is “Site Reliability Engineer”, which means I’m somewhere between a clerk, a tinkerer, and a millwright.

But I’m not recording any transactions by hand and the mills I work on don’t have anything to do with grain. Instead, they’re simple but very fast arithmetical machines that the moneychangers had built to account for every penny that moves from one bank to another.

Sometimes the machines don’t work as they are expected to, and it’s my job to catch this misbehavior and identify the cause so that one of the arithmetical millwrights can figure out how to fix it. I also help them them do the fixing and testing to make sure the equiment runs true before we set it back to work.

I create drawings of the enclosure of machines and contraptions, you know, the knobs and switches and all those things, and then instruct machines to assemble those machines according to the drawings.

I do qa for headsets so uh… Imagine a painting that moves. Now imagine instead of seeing the world, there was a device that makes you only see those moving paintings. I make sure that device and the paintings work well together.

If anyone knows of any kind of animation technique from that era that would help with the description. But even flip books wouldn’t be invented for like 150 more years so 🤷‍♀️ Maybe I could find a nice painting and give the person a bunch of mushrooms and be like “this but different”

I direct a controlled form of lightning down metal wires to power electric candles, and other amazing devices.

Lots of “I use magic to do magic stuff” for talking to people not long after the Salem witch trials.

Sales person.