Finally found the man I thought I would marry, but the breakup came out of nowhere and I’m struggling to cope. What are the ways you’ve dealt with heartbreak in the past?
Grindr’s been a big help.
Nothing gets you over the last one like getting under the next one. Or two. Possibly five.
Lemon Italian Ice helps me feel better when I’m upset about something
Direct my energy and attention to all the me things that got swept aside when I was with them. You have fewer distractions now. Go get those things done you’ve been putting off!
Self care, whatever that looks like for you.
It could be treating yourself to a new outfit, spending quality time with a good friend, or more traditional ideas of self care, like healthy meals, exercise, and meditation.
Looking through the stages of grief can be helpful too. Give yourself permission to mourn. And permission to pendulate and use healthy distractions if the feelings get intense.
These are the strategies that work best for me. I also have less healthy coping mechanisms and if that’s your goto, harm reduction can be helpful (weed is less destructive than alcohol for me, for example).
Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions. Take care of yourself. Eat well and stay hydrated, do whatever exercise and focus on yourself and your goals. Perhaps travel. Live for you and you will find someone else without looking.
The healthiest way I’ve ever dealt with heartbreak and grief is by putting physical energy into something. Building stone walkway, planting a garden, working out, etc.
Being able to focus on something else will help you from becoming physically and emotionally overwhelmed. Peace, understanding and equilibrium will come with time, the immediate aftermath is the time to move and do something so you don’t get consumed by your feelings.
It’s always okay to cry. People I never thought would understand have supported me.
It sucks big time for a while, there’s no set time for how long. What I can tell you is once some of that fog has cleared and you can focus on yourself, you can learn to fall in love with yourself again. At least for me, I realized I had my positive emotions tied so much into my old relationship that I didn’t know how to cope without that relationship there. We definitely had some co-depency issues that were extremely unhealthy, and without all that to distract me, I could finally start working on myself and figuring out who I am. What I want and don’t want. It’s a long road but if you can focus on self care and improvement, it will make things much easier and more fulfilling in the long run.
Went on a hike and just sat and looked over a lake for some time. I then realized I was extremely happy that I got to know her, but also that she told what she felt. I also think I got proud of myself, I never thought I would meet some one at all but now I knew it was possible
I don’t even really remember I think, I don’t even really feel like I’ve “dealt” with it. I’ll tell some of my experience but I won’t go into too much detail.
For us, we were even talking about marriage, but I did something wrong and I felt helpless after the break up, I couldn’t do anything, other problems arouse and I even started planning suicide.
I tried talking to other people, some related to the situation and some not, to get perspective on stuff, I even got a new job, but depression hit me hard once I started, so I quit soon after to get that under control which was fine, my financial situation was good enough to do this at the time.
Eventually I just started thinking about what I wanted in a relationship and somehow I stopped blaming myself, but now I have a anger I don’t know how to deal with towards her and her family, we see each other once a week during our martial arts class, and it keeps it kinda fresh on my mind but I love the class so I decided it’s worth it.
I’m talking to someone else, not really as a potential romantic partner but someone who I can be good friends with and if it goes that way then it’s a plus. I didn’t have the biggest friend group before and it got even smaller after the break up, so I’m trying to branch out.
I guess that’s how I dealt with it, focused on a hobby, and making new friends, making sure I got to talk it out with various people to make sure I didn’t get into an echo chamber (which my brain and family would be a major one)
Booze and hookers
Definitely don’t do what I do, which is to shut down entirely, pretend it doesn’t bother you, and completely close the door on any future relationships until you’ve gotten so used to being alone that you probably couldn’t allow another person in even if you wanted to. Super healthy stuff! Honestly, being able to express that you’re sad and hurt is good. It hurts and it can feel unbearable, but it means you’re still feeling things. The last time I coped in a healthy way, I wanted to wallow in bed (and I did, some) but I made myself get up and do small things I enjoyed. Nothing big that required a lot of effort, just things like going to get lunch with my mom or taking a walk with a friend. It was distracting enough to ease the pain, and showed that my whole life wasn’t over because of a break up. The only other thing that helped was time.
Treating it like being sick (like a cold) helps me. That way I justify taking it slow. It’s something that will pass and it’s totally normal to feel really bad. It will probably be better soon but I need a lot of rest/self-care.
I use the Cave Johnson defense.
Are you suggesting that OP should burn their ex’s house down? With the lemons? That OP should have their engineers invent a combustible lemon that burns their ex’s house down?
I do have access to like 50 engineers, at least one of them would volunteer.
Same as I deal with everything. Alcohol. Lots of it.
I overcame one of my hardest by doing more for myself, by myself, than I would have with her around. I gave up a lot to be with her, and after the break up, I decided to embrace the circumstances and strive for success despite her. I did it to prove that my life would have ended up worse with her than it turned out to be without her.
