That if you’re happier alone, you should stay that way.

The value of a consistent circadian rhythm.

Looks matter.

Definitely don’t fill your pillow with cement.

If you feel like you are walking on eggshells every day with your partner you are at best with the wrong person. More likely you are being abused. No, they will not improve. You can try any number of strategies for conflict resolution but the horrors will persist.

I learned not to say things about people behind their back, that you’d not be prepared to say to their face, aged 14.

Cost me a black eye & split lip, also some pride. Valuable lesson though that stuck with me to this day over 2 decades later.

Knoble, sorry for calling you Knobless.

If you feel like you don’t need your medication anymore, that means the medication is working, and doing what it was prescribed to do.

You don’t need to want to be alive to want to be not miserable

The advice of wearing less when it’s hot out is not for everyone. I just park my coat on the ac and it’ll stay cold on my trip.

bonus: no need for sunscreen on my arms

The Public Defender doesn’t give a shit about you.

Don’t drink alcohol with a mood disorder, It might seem ok for a while, but it’s totally not.

I saw a semi-famous abuse therapist (Dr. Rhoberta Shaler^1 ) 1.5 years ago for 7 sessions. She is known for trademarking the term hijackal. Hijackals are people that hijack relationships and scavenge them relentlessly for their own desires; they are what most people call toxic or abusive. Everything she told me in those 7 sessions has been on point, even the stuff I thought there was no way she could even have a judgement on because she didn’t have enough relevant information. Since then, I have caught myself saying or thinking, “That’s what Dr. Shaler said!” Here were some of her claims that I eventually realized were true:

1. She straight up said that there are humans and there are hijackals, but unfortunately they both look the same from the outside. At the time, this view of humanity seemed too simplistic by using an all-or-none/splitting thinking style. I thought she was either traumatized herself or exaggerating to help me see my abuser as all bad so that I would escape. The more I learn, the more I see she was 100% right. There are humans, and there are hijackals. Yeah, people make mistakes, but people that purposely abuse others do that every time everywhere with everyone. That’s all they do.

2. She asked me about my history of romantic relationships, and I gave her maybe a brief 5-10 summary. She straight up told me they were all hijackals except for my high school girlfriend. At the time, I thought she was overconfident or testing me to see my response. I eventually came to realize that she was 100% right.

3. She asked me about social relationships. She said they were hijackals too. I argued saying that wasn’t true. She didn’t fight me. She just said something like, “Well, it’s been my experience that wherever there is one hijackal, there are more.” I ended up cutting off a few people and blocking numbers since.

4. Hijackals are exhausting. Some of them are very good at manipulation, so it’s almost impossible to consciously notice them for a while. However, your body/intuition picks up on it somehow, and you feel exhausted being around them. There are people that seem chill and caring at first, though they are exhausting and I notice myself needing to take breaks from them or having to brace myself for being around them. At first, I can’t find any major reason to label them as a hijackal, but eventually it comes out.

5. Hijackals do not change. They are permanent. What fuels it is toooo strong and deep. Less than 99% of hijackals ever change.

6. Do not tell a hijackal you are aware they are a hijackal!! This will blow up in your face immensely. They will either use your levers against you or sabotage your reputation so that no one else will believe you. In no way will they have a reckoning with themselves, acknowledge their unhealthy ways, and work on the underlying problem fueling their behaviors.

7. I will know I’m healing and strengthening once I learn to trust myself. To trust myself, I will have to set boundaries beforehand, then stick to them. The longer I go without placing true boundaries or not adhering to them, the longer the healing process will take.

8. The other step to healing is to grieve whatever I lost with my childhood. It’s over, and I’m not going to find it anywhere because that time has past. I need to accept that at an unconscious level rather than try to find it.

9. Everything my father and other hijackals have told me is a lie. I seriously thought this was splitting on her behalf, that she was exaggerating like saying that there are only humans or hijackals. Nope. Over the past 1.5 years, I learned a lot about narcissists. One thing that hit hard was a confession that a narcissist wrote about how they think and behave. That confirmed the statement she made. Everything my dad, sister, and exes have told me were lies. Everything they accused me of was what they were doing. Everything they accused me of being was what they were.

1: She has a famous podcast. Unfortunately, she died recently. She was a loss for humanity.

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That I am simply not greedy enough, ruthless enough, or duplicitous enough to be my own boss, much less the boss of anyone else.

If an ex calls you, out of the blue, for no readily apparent reason, it’s solely to take that knife they already jammed in your back and give it a few more good, hard, twists.