For the purpose of this question, the target age range is 20-30. Asking because I feel like I’m wasting my youth.
Learn how to be happy alone. Simple!
Really though, if you figure this out, a lot of other things click into place. I used to think it was impossible. Just words miserable people said to make themselves feel less lonely.
Okay, sometimes it’s still that, but I’ve come to enjoy being able to focus on whatever I want to focus on without the distractions, drama, and/or gnawing desperation.
Do one adventure trip where you are out of your comfort envelope, pushing yourself physically, etc. Don’t make it a booze/party trip.
If you need to learn one rule it is “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you”
Take care of your body and keep it healthy. You have plenty of time to acquire habits helping that and slowly get rid of those damaging it - use that time before the issue is forced on you.
I tell people to keep an eye on their diet. Once you hit your early 20s that whole teen “I can eat a whole pizza and be fine” is gone. It is incredibly easy to go over your calorie needs in a week and after a year you’ve gained 2-3 lbs or more. Before you know it by 30 or 40 you are 50+ lbs over and obese and now you are struggling to lose it. It creeps up on you.
Get away from tech on a regular basis. Allow yourself to be in your own thoughts occasionally. I think constantly being tied to phones and the internet is killing creativity because we never have those day dreaming moments that lead to inspiration.
Don’t spend huge chunks of your life on video games. They are a fun distraction but at the end of the day is it just bits on some server that could be shut down at any moment. Get off of the dopamine treadmill.
Travel, live abroad if possible, and experience living in a big, culture-rich city. Unfortunately the economic realities of the 2020s are making this increasingly out of reach for many youth, but if you have the resources and opportunity, absolutely go for it. As you get older, responsibilities and lack of energy will likely sap much of your ability/desire to move around as much (this isn’t true for everyone, but it’s extremely common). Even if traditional travel is impractical for you, there still exists cheaper opportunities for exploration that are a bit off the beaten path, such as the WWOOF program.
Regardless of your situation/location, one thing that basically anyone can do is get involved in a cause. Find something you’re passionate about and throw yourself into it. Make sure it’s something that you can do in-person and not virtually… as in, there are local groups you can join for this cause, although if there aren’t you can always try making one or forming a local chapter of a larger org. With the right networking you’d be surprised how many other people will join you, especially for causes that involve your local community. This is a great way to meet other people, get to know the issues facing your neighborhood/city better, and learn to navigate your local government/NGOs. Again, as you get older responsibilities/exhaustion can make this sort of thing a lot harder.
experience living in a big, culture-rich city.
don’t move to a big city if you’ve never spent a significant amount of time in one. i don’t care how “culture-rich” it is. true, a lot of people love the noise, crowds, crime, stink, traffic, astronomical prices for literally everything, and all the other crap that’s tangled up in city life, but there’s no amount of money anyone could pay me to put up with even one of those things ever again. if you’re in your 20s, maybe you’ll love the night life. but that gets old quick. or you better hope it does…
As my father who traveled constantly for work said all big cities and airports start to look alike.
I mean, obviously it’s not for everyone, but it’s important to actually experience urban living for yourself before deciding you hate cities. Especially given the political situation in the United States right now, where so many suburban and rural residents are bashing cities and urban living without having properly experienced it for themselves; I think there would be a huge bite taken out of the urban/rural divide if more people had experience living in cities, and got to personally see the good and the bad for themselves. Plus your twenties is a great time to learn street smarts, because that way you’ll be less likely to have a bad experience when you do visit a big city in the future, whether it’s for something fun like a concert or something serious like going to a medical specialist. There are a lot of basic lessons like “never ever leave anything visible in your unattended parked car”, how to use public transportation, being able to firmly say “no”, and general situational awareness that are just good life skills that city living forces you to pick up.
I’m not at a point in my life where I want to live in a big city anymore, but I’m so, so grateful that I did in my youth.
Protect your hearing. Listen to loud music in moderation and use earplugs in loud environments.
Please wear them at shows. Coming home with your ears feeling like you are underwater and ringing is a sign you’ve damaged them. I don’t know why they insist on making shows so damn loud.
I’ve always had the anti-neighbour style setup. Much less harmful to your ears than headphones
Most practical advice I’ve seen in this thread. For anyone who wants to protect their hearing at a concert without making the music sound muffled, check out these flat frequency ear plugs:
https://www.etymotic.com/product/etyplugs-high-fidelity-earplugs/
Those are great but I recently switched to these. They are a little more expensive but they come with three different filters for different decibel levels.
Make a budget. Live by that budget for a month. On the first of the next month, make another budget.
You don’t actually have to do this forever, but long enough to get the basic ebb and flow of money into your head. Planning to put more into x category means having less for y category.
Build up savings, a little at a time. Get used to dipping into that for emergencies.
Disregard if you’re a billionaire or entirely living off the land.
Don’t use harsh shampoos like Head and Shoulders if you want a shot at keeping your hair.
Curse you, Head and Shoulders! fist shaking
I second the request for a citation.
Feel free to refute this, but here’s an article I found that suggests there’s little evidence that Head and Shoulders is bad for your hair - at least the ones that aren’t Clinical Strength.
Minor anecdote: I used to have severe dandruff, then I started using Aveeno’s Apple Cider Vinegar products and that helped a LOT, but now I use the ACV H&S and I haven’t had any real complaints since the switch.
I’ve been using it for twenty years and have just the slightest thinning in one small spot. You can’t even tell when my hair dries.
Citation needed (grew up on those shampoos, thick as ever in my 40s). I think genetics plays the bigger.role here, right?
Travel on the cheap while you’re still willing to put up with it.
Seriously. Save up a couple thousand dollars. Go see stuff.
Make sure you have enough in your emergency fund to get home if you screw it up.
Travel
Learn how to learn. Having the ability to look up things on the internet, watch YouTube videos, go to the library and find books, ask people for help and even show you how to do something. Most people are willing to teach others if you’re willing to learn.
I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it unless you feel comfortable with it but sometimes money is tight and it’s easier just to replace that 10$ part rather than call a repair guy. I’ve looked up how to replace a part on a water heater on the internet because it was cheap at Lowes and I didn’t want to pay weekends rates for the plumber.
Also learn how to do basic things like learn how to change the oil on your car, replace your belts and change a tire. You’ll save some money and feel good about being able to do these little things. Look for tools at yard sales and pawn shops if you don’t have a lot to spend on tools.
Goals.
You’re not going anywhere unless you DECIDE to go there.
Forget “how do I know if its the right goal”?
You’re can modify and change your goals as you go. Kind of like practice?
Just do it. Start small. Review regularly. Act on the steps that reach your goal.
Don’t drift through this phase or you’ll regret it later. If you go to college have a plan to graduate in 4-5 years. College isn’t the place to find yourself, it’s a place where you trade money for knowledge. You will learn about yourself, but you can get more self discovery in other environments for far less expense.
This is the time to establish a career and not just a job. It doesn’t have to happen at 22, but you need to know what you want and work towards it by 30.
If you want kids younger is generally better, but not so early you have no means to support them. There’s never a perfect time, but there are bad times for kids. Aim for a good enough time. It’s a lot easier to chase a toddler at 25 than 35.
Your life will likely significantly change several times in this period, embrace it and enjoy it. Single life, dating life, married life, college life, full time job life, and parent life ate all very different. You’ll experience many of these in this period.
I disagree with your having kids sentiment. I didn’t find the right woman until I was 33 and didn’t have kids til 39. I worked hard, got promoted and accumulated wealth before then. I started from nearly nothing. Now, my kid (hopefully) won’t have to struggle as much as I did.
And I chase that kid for 30 minutes until she gets worn out.
…
My advice, in your 20s: travel, make friends, make mistakes.
Get a job that has growth potential or become a rockstar in a small pond.
Find some hobbies, work out. Even better, find a hobby that also is a workout. Sock away 5% of your income towards retirement if you can handle it. Volunteer. Habits are formative in your 20s, you’ll find them easier to maintain (or avoid) in your 40s.
Don’t spend all of your time chasing tail or trying to find a mate. That’s a trap. instead, open yourself up to experiences, events and places where those things can naturally happen. And make memories along the way so you have fun things to share with that person when you do find them.
Get out of your comfort zone, get off of your comfort phone. Read a bit, learn to weld or sculpt or play an instrument. Take a dancing class, even if you go alone, there are usually people around to partner up.
Learn 5 or 10 jokes. Don’t be embarrassed to tell them often. Anyone from politicians to public speakers to hey, even comedians, will tell the same jokes over and over and over.
Get an Education, even if it’s a community college or a few professional certifications. It will demonstrate that you can learn. Absorb as much as you can while you’re young, because it’s true, learning does get harder as you age.
Take a course or two in psychology. Avoid people who bring you down, find people who build you up but are honest enough to keep you grounded when you need it.
Don’t live for anyone else, live for you. That isn’t to say be selfish, you’ll need people in your corner. But know that, no one else can experience how can experience. No one else lives through your eyes; no one else loves through your heart; no one else dreams how you dream. We have so few precious years on this tiny rock, so make them tell the story of you.
Master your inner dialogue and emotions.
Practice speaking positively and rationally to yourself. Use affirmations, mantras, or visualisations for confidence, for forgiveness of yourself and others, relaxation, motivation.
If you ever feel like crying, it is important to cry hard and deep, and then it’s important to recover after with some kind of happy celebration, whether it’s playing or a treat, just something nice to help your body learn to get happy after being sad, angry, or scared.
Stop reaching for distractions when powerful emotions come on. Face the emotion. Study it with curiosity. Feel it fully. And comfort yourself positively until it passes.
Start down this road now. You don’t want to end up 40, done with school, done with your parents, done with your first couple of real jobs, and have no idea how to control yourself throughout the day.
This is really valuable advise. I’m 20 at this point, and (after therapy) I’m looking back and realizing now much self-acceptance and connection with your own emotion shape the way I perceive the world. I’m really glad that I started this young, and for people who live in a country where psychotherapy is covered by healthcare - there are usually offers of a short psychotherapy (in Germany it’s called Kurzzeitherapie, short-term therapy) which will in my opinion as a psychology student will benefit every person.
Forgive yourself and others but learn from those experiences. As a saying goes "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Just want to back this one up: as someone rapidly approaching 40 who never loved himself, if anything absolutely loathes himself, repeating to yourself how absolutely horrible of a failure you are and how completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s love you are daily will cement itself in your head as absolute fact.
I can no longer actually comprehend that I can do anything well. I’m either a complete failure, or if I did it literally anyone with 2 braincells can. I actually do not believe anyone who says otherwise, it has become an objective truth in my brain backed up by decades of “evidence.”
I’m sure there is much more evidence that this is not the case. You were probably raised in an environment with lots of shame and blame, I suspect, and so it’s hard to give yourself credit for the many, many things you have been successful.
Also, reframe your negative evidence. You’re not the same person anymore, for sure. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s how we learn, and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It also helps to remember that you are likely the only person thinking about this past evidence, and it’s okay for you to let it go, release it from your body and mind, and move on from it too.
When you feel yourself thinking negatively, go stand in front of a mirror, up on your toes, arms up high over head, bear your teeth, and growl at the mirror. You are a large and powerful predator, and seeing yourself as such will make it true.
Another good tip, when you’re feeling discomfort with memories, pause, and look around the room making sure to look over your shoulders, behind you on both sides. This is a trick to calm your brain down, take you out of fight or flight. You’re not in danger and the feelings of danger may have been helpful as a child, but you don’t need them anymore. You are a large and powerful predator now.
