Break up the union and pick the name of the most powerful government that existed within the bounds of every state before the land was occupied by any old-world government.
Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:
- The Divided States of America
- McMilitary Industrial Complex
- The Paycheck-to-Paycheck Republic
- Red vs Blue
- Gilded Ruins
- AmeriKKKa
- Walmartistan
- Gunlandia
- Yeehaw Reich
- Methlehem
- Debtlandia
- Live, Laugh, Lawsuit
DUM-FUCK-ISTAN. Fuck yeah!!!
+2 for Yeehaw Reich
+1 for Methlehem… but it also reminds of my personal favourite … Alamabadan
Divided States of Affairs
The Land of the Flee while you still can
Slaves-R-Us
Actually, that’s Africa. Africa is the birthplace of slavery. Also, unfortunately, every major civilization was built on the backs of slaves.
I’m not saying that we either invented slavery or are unique in benefiting from it. We’ve written a loophole for prisoners to be used as slave labor into our constitution and have the highest number of prisoners of any nation, we have politicians actively trying to create new laws adding more slave labor, and we’ve tied healthcare to employment and left per-Capita income so low that insinuating that the people who put food on your table are slaves isn’t as laughable as it seems.
The reason I suggested the name is that we’re the only “advanced” civilization that still directly relies on slave labor. I know that there are examples of other non-third-world countries that consume goods and services from sweatshops, but, as one of the world-leaders in consumerism, we arguably fund and keep alive the demand that necessitates sweatshops.
So, no, we’re not unique in our slavery—just in our ability and willingness to sexy it up and slap some paint and labels on it that help us perpetuate it.
Staties McStatyface
Oooh a contest to name the country, most votes wins!
I’ll set up the 1-900 number, just $10 to submit your vote.
The DraftKingsTM United States of Trump
Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land “Vinland” long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)
Alternatively, a name in
thea Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.“OKLAHOMA”, but in all caps because it’s big now.
Needs at least two exclamation points on that thing; to properly imply scale. Add an extra one for each of the following territorial acquisitions: Canada and Greenland.
Coming soon, to a map near you: OKLAHOMA!!!
Sounds a lot like Finland doesn’t it? I believe if our name is on it then it’s ours!
A name in the Native American language
There is no single native American language. There are over 200 of them, and used to be around 300-400, in 57 different families and over two dozen completely isolated languages (which might not be, but it’s hard to find out). And they’d likely be at the very least somewhat mutually culturally insensitive.
So that might be even more difficult than using English, which at least has the benefit of being popular now.
Vinland is Newfoundland, I’m afraid! It’s not generally thought that the Norse made it as far south in the Americas as the modern day contiguous USA
It’s just a matter of what history you accept. Here in Massachusetts, there are several places with monuments to Viking explorers. Since we’re throwing away educational standards, deciding on our own “facts, and ignoring all sorts of disconnects with reality, why not choose what history to accept? If we can end climate change by not being allowed to mention it, surely we can fix history by declaring different facts true
they were the original inhabitants of the land.
Nope. Third, apparently, and counting.
The pirates of yore were based on an old fraternity from the 1300s and before, that called this land - no lie - Merica.
what in gods name are you blathering about?
Whatever the natives decide on tbh. Turtle island is popular but applies to the continent not the country
El Gabacho
There’s actually debate over whether America was actually named after Amerigo Vespucci. My understanding is that it was likely just a coincidence that his name is so similar to America. As I understand it, it was actually named after a tribe of native Americans. But native Americans don’t pass the Republican scale of whiteness, so they’ll probably try to rename America anyways. I’m calling it now: they’re going to rename it to Trumpia
Vespucciland
The Adjacent States of Denial
Needs to be named first.
United States of America (temporary). America as a country isn’t making it much longer anyway so no need to think about it too much.
Rome Secundus
