You know the type, probably a good father or worker, but serious faced all the time, never smiles, often in a bad mood, very cynical. It’s just I feel like I’m on the path to this, I’m 28, just escaped 12 years of food service so I’m already super cynical and if someone comes up to me, I’m super ready to shut down whatever’s about to happen. I feel like working with customers for years I’ve learned to have giant walls up and I can’t seem to remove them. I see the other guys in the factory I’m working at laughing and joking all the time, I think of myself as funny but it’s always deadpan humor and I wish I could genuinely smile and laugh and make friends with the other guys. Any old timers or well travelers out there have any advice?
I kinda wish I knew because it makes me scared for my future. I am trying to not to do old people things and see if that helps.
- rotate out my clothing. Something gets donated weekly
- give new tech (ok not cars but everything else) a fair chance before I judge it
- Don’t talk to an adult or teen like they are a kid.
- learn new stuff all the time from recipes to academic stuff.
- avoid telling a story unless it is vital for the situation.
Do you happen to have access to a bunch of balloons?
Probably avoiding alcohol unless in moderation when socializing. I’d suggest meditating as well.
My advice? Sounds like you could use some therapy. Genuinely therapy is really helpful for sorting out these issues.
You sound like you may be dealing with more than just burn out. Of course im not a medical professional and i dont know you well enough to really make any fair assessment but just talking things out with someone would likely be beneficial.
If you can’t afford therapy, talking things out with a friend may help as well but as they wont be trained to deal with this, it may or may not be helpful. It can help but its not a replacement for professional help unfortunately. I speak from experience but ymmv.
I worked in CS so i know it sucks. I hope things get better for you.
I’ve got no qualms against going back to therapy, it’s been some years. Only thing is I’ll have to wait till November when I can get on my works insurance plan
In case you don’t know about it and its effectiveness, you could read about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. You could watch Steven Hayes Ted Talk (or other talks) or read his Liberated Mind book.
Not specific to your issue but: Remember that people younger than you grew up in very different situations then you did. You grew up, then the world changed. It never stops changing.
After reading the other replies I went back and re-read your post to check…you don’t mention a partner or any significant other. I think you might be focusing too hard inward (bad mood, cynical, walls up) and not focusing outward (cherishing interactions with others, forming or maintaining bonds with others). Perhaps you’re feeling lonely?
I am a grump but my wife won’t let me get away with it for long. I am cynical but my friends call me on it because I force myself to share. My work puts me in contact with new people every day and I actively seek an understanding of them and have to let them see who I am in order to be good at my job.
Another respondent said “put yourself out there”. I agree but would also add seek out interactions with others and be a participant not an observer.
So I do have a partner, we spend a lot of time together and I’m actually quite happy relationship wise, however I’m not very happy friend wise, I have some online friends but no real friends and have trouble talking to other guys, I’ve never been much for bro talk
Making friends as an adult is hard. Is there something you like to do that occurs outside your home? We used to play darts on Tuesdays - not with a group, just the two of us - and found that the same people were often at the bar each week. Would have been pretty easy to invite someone to play. Anywhere that people gather fairly regularly can be a good meeting place. Also, volunteering can help with negativity and can be a good place to meet people. Feeling better about yourself makes you more attractive/approachable to other people.
I’m glad you have someone to lean on - that’s what makes the difference for me. I also don’t do bro - hate sports, don’t like pranks. I don’t have many friends but the ones I have are solid and dependable. I see my best friend less than monthly but we talk several times a day to share work complaints, discuss food or what we’re currently binging on TV.
I think one thing you can do is just practice smiling. Smiling sends you good brain chemicals, even if you’re not happy. Maybe those other guys joke and laugh with each other, but not you, because when they see your serious face, they think you don’t want to interact with them. If you smile when you overhear their jokes, they may rope you in. And people just like seeing someone smile. (Generally. If people start looking worried and edging away from you slowly, maybe dial it back a little.)
One other thing I think of as a hallmark of crotchety people is reacting to any development pragmatically or even pessimistically. A lot of things that happen in life could be interpreted in multiple ways, and you can try to focus on the positive sides of things. Boss asks you to do extra work? Maybe it’s an opportunity to impress them, or develop a new skill. Car won’t start? Well, it IS nice out, and it feels good to go for a walk. I know that isn’t always easy to do, often times a thing happens that is just crappy. But try to practice it whenever you get a chance, until it becomes a habit.
Additionally, since that’s not always reliable, make a habit at the end of the day to think of and say out loud 3 things that happened that you were grateful for that day. They can be big broad things like “I’m glad I’m healthy” or even “I’m glad my back didn’t hurt like usual” or really specific like “I’m glad Tony said he’d cover my shift at work, he didn’t have to do that.”
☝️underrated comment. I’ve been doing remote tech support & customer service for a few years and taught myself to smile whenever I’m typing out a message to a customer. Even though the customer can’t see it, it nudges my head in the right direction and makes the work more tolerable.
You are literally bio-hacking your brain by doing this. It seems counterintuitive but your mood is partially controlled by a feedback loop in your brain, and smiling will essentially force other parts to get on board the happy train.
Don’t get injured.
Oh, I don’t know, I’m all kinds of broken and am still delightful.
Therapy and work on trying to build a mentality around just letting things so. Change happens rapidly, people don’t like change, just gotta fix that mentality and go with the flow of change instead of always pushing against it. Therapist could help find out the why you’re so against changes and help change your perspective on it.
Force yourself to do things you know you normally enjoy, can help break a person out of a “rut”.
Best of luck bud.
Duh just take shrooms
As someone who doesn’t do shrooms, this might actually be the answer.
On a less sarcastic note, Shrooms and acid both bind to the 5HT2A serotonin receptor in the brain. This receptor is responsible for filtering out information. Sensory information like the buzzing of the AC or fridge gets filtered out because it’s not useful information, and you’ve heard it a million times anyways. When this receptor is blocked, your brain reverts back to a childlike state because all information is treated like new information because it’s not getting filtered out
Just to add a bit; I don’t know anything about brain chemistry, but if I cast the subjective experience into these terms I would imagine that this filtering occurs at higher levels of abstraction than the mentioned sensory input. Meaning that you have conscious awareness of ideas that your usual habits of thought would filter out before they reached conscious awareness. The vast majority of those ideas are just fun, creative, silly bullshit that can easily take on a quality of profundity that it is tempting to take far too seriously, but sometimes they can inspire more long-term creative paths, or even just let you appreciate your sober experience of the world in new and interesting ways.
This is useful for many of us who spend the vast majority of our thinking time in very utilitarian goal-oriented patterns. These habits of thought, while useful for earning a living working in a kitchen or whatever, for example, can hamper our ability to experience other sorts of creative, playful, and novel patterns of thought that make life fun. Breaking out of those habits can help bring new, vibrant perspectives on our living experience.
Right, good point, and yes: it’s much more than just sensory information. And it’s more than just the removal of a filter. There’s no small change in a complex system, especially when that system is the brain
Ive made a lot of music on Lucy. Im really curious what the effects of learning an instrument or languages are when under those conditions
Don’t worry about it, accept it as a stage of life and do it with style. Start cataloging a lot of zingers aimed at young people being foolish and practice your delivery of the word “dumbass” so that it can be used to end most sentences.
Indeed. Would that we could all aspire to “The 70s Show” ideal crotchety old man.
I’ll introduce my size 10 boot, to your ass!
Give more than you take.
I think this would work. It’s effort but it’ll do.
Just put yourself out there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you wanna be friends with the “fun” guys go join their group, introduce yourself, say “what’s up”. Don’t put a lot of pressure on it.
The same thing goes for hobbies. I assume you have hobbies and interests? Look up meetups for these things and then, and this is important, go do those things with other people. This is actually an easier avenue than the factory because you’ll already know you have something in common and, fundamentally, peeps love talking about their hobbies. And their hobbies are your hobbies. Jackpot.
But, at the end of the day, if you don’t want to be serious all the time then you just can’t take everything seriously. Being there for your kids? Every fucking time. Someone makes a joke at your expense? Laugh. Was it a good joke? Laugh harder. Who gives a shit.
Well, yeah. Yeah you’re on the path to being a grumpy old man. Why the fuck wouldn’t ya be? Have you looked around? So many humans doing what they can to actively make things worse. Everyday stupid shit just gets stupider.
Fuck it.
Yeah. We’re fucking it up. Fuck it. Yeah. Peeps are shits to each other. Fuck it. Yeah. So many of us refuse to change even a tiny bit to make the world better for all. Fuck it.
Humans are some silly people. Best thing to do is improve little things around ya. Be the change you’d like to see. And… Fuck it. Let that shit go.
Widen that view as far as you can. We’re fucking miracles. Fucking stars blew up and made these crazy improbable combo of atoms speeding along on a spaceship planet that ending up making a you. And a me. And we’re here at the same damn time. Fucking hell.
Yeah. Everything is fucked. But don’t worry. No matter what happens, the sun will swallow the earth and it will all disappear.
So make the best of it. Enjoy the enjoyable parts of the ride. Find a butt to pinch, a flower to smell, a candle to burn. Waste some time.
Breathe and feel that fucking air in your throat. Fucking nice.
If you’re grumpy, be grumpy. Enjoy it. Oscar your grouch right up!
Fuck it.
Nihilism in a fucking nutshell.
Fair!? WHO’S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?
Well, self awareness goes a long way, so you’re on the right path. Lots of people get crotchety and cynical by focusing too much on things that are outside their control. Focus more on areas of your life that you can influence, and learn to enjoy your life for what it is rather than what it could be.
Honestly, if you’re the type of person who’s prone to this, disengaging from hyper cynical social media platforms (yes, including Lemmy) is probably another good idea.
My dad used to be super into politics and consumed rage-bait news on TV and social media a lot, especially during the height of covid. Once he unplugged from all of that there was a noticeable shift in his demeanor and I would say that he’s significantly happier and more content now.
disengaging from hyper cynical social media platforms (yes, including Lemmy)
Ideally, but I found on reddit that highly curating my subscriptions (including pretty much removing all defaults) helped too.
