Ok, it sounds like you haven’t had the opportunity to process your childhood trauma, and yes, based on what you wrote it is a trauma.

I recommend going to therapy to help you process and sort out your thoughts.

You were robbed, robbed of your childhood, sadly, you can’t change that, but you can change it so that you don’t get robbed off of your adulthood as well.

If you can get by without a job, go for it.

I understand your thinking. OTOH, if you don’t carry your own weight, you make someone else do it for you, and put them through the same hell you’ve been trying to escape. That’s not fair, either.

If I were you, I would try to take some time off, travel the world on the cheap, and find my feet, maybe even make peace with myself.

Good luck!

Jobs are just for money. Don’t worry about the “contribution to society” propaganda. They are using you.

Its okay to feel like you don’t want to work, that’s fine. The oligarchs around the world baredy do any work and exploit the average wave-slave to fullfill their luxurious life. Don’t feel guilty for feeling that way. However, do realize that, while this capitalistic machine runs, you kinda have to perform “work” to obtain resources for survival (aka: “money”). It’s not fair, it’s the cards we get dealt with.

The real “contribution” would be to tear down the system of oppression and advance human rights, not feeding an arbitrary desire of the oligarchs to grow their assets. That is not contribution, that is being a willing wage-slave.

Life is not fair, its up to the people to make it fair, by any means necessary.

“A Riot is the Language of the Unheard” -Martin Luther King Jr.

“When peaceful revolution becomes impossible, violent revolution become inevitable” - US President John F. Kennedy

So you either resist, or you comply and get a job. It is what it is.

Committing a “crime” like shoplifting is a way of resistance, but it all depends on what your moral compass allows. Don’t kid yourself, the only reason why people don’t just rob the corporate chains is the fear of consequences (from the legal system).

So, if you are willing to take your chances and resist, go ahead. I’m not advocating crime, just saying that it is an option.

But even a life of crime is still technically a “job”, abeit an unlawful one.

You can’t really do nothing and survive. Either legal or illegal methods, you gotta pick one way to acquire resources.

Sorry if this is incoherent, I’m struggling with similar issues as you. Good luck.

Edit: TLDR: Just do the minimum possible to survive, don’t overwork yourself.

You’re not rambling about nothing, and yes, you got dealt shit cards by the croupier of life. Lots of people have it easier in many regards. I can understand your frustration and resistance. You got robbed of your childhood and that sucks.

However, life is unfair and life is relentless and that ain’t changing anytime soon. If you don’t find a job/income source within a reasonable time frame, you’ll be back in a different kind of hell.

I understand you are grieving for your childhood, but sometimes your material situation becomes more urgent than your feelings. How urgent finding a job is depends on your personal finances and security nets available.

I suggest getting a job for your own good. Life is unfair but all we can do is adapt and look out for ourselves and those we care about.

If you play your cards right career-wise, you might be able to dedicate some time to self discovery now or more later on, when you have financial stability.

Good luck to you, friend.

You can enjoy yourself at any age. What you might be missing is the feeling of being fully cared for and therefore carefree.

I’ve never found a way to replicate that as an adult. If you find it, let me know

First let me say that I’m sincerely very sorry about what you went through as a kid. No one should have to.

But the answer is because living things require a constant energy input to be sustained, whether that energy comes from chasing mammoths down or from the groceries you buy with the salary from your office job. It’s not fair, to anyone, ever, but you have the same choice everyone else has: accept that life isn’t free and get on with it because it’s better than the alternative, or… the alternative. I’m going to offer some advice, but it’s not the ‘help me out today’ kind, it’s the ‘stick this in the back of your head and let it steep for a while’ kind.

So much of one’s experience in life comes down to attitude. If that sounds stupid it’s only because you don’t have enough life experience to recognize that you get to decide what things mean to you. Whether this is an unfair burden that you shouldn’t have to bear or a miraculous opportunity that shouldn’t be wasted is entirely - and I do mean entirely - up to you. When someone tells you to ‘cultivate a positive attitude’ this is what they mean. Decide for yourself whether you’re staying or going (and I recommend staying because it’s the only option that will let you change your mind later) and, as the kids say, get busy doin’ it. But if you’re staying, you will really have a much better time of it if you let go of this sense that the world owes you anything, that life is unfair, or that you have been singled out for undue suffering. Take it from someone who has been down that path, it’s a tough row to hoe, and you only make it worse for yourself by pushing people away with that anger. This isn’t something that will happen overnight, but I promise that developing a positive attitude will make a difference.

If you want to speed the process along a bit, I recommend reading some existentialist philosophy, it can really help give you a sense of perspective. I particularly like Camus, the Myth of Sisyphus in particular was a real eye-opener for me. Most people think of existentialism as something scary to avoid, but honestly once I really started to understand it I found it a comfort.

And if you ever just need someone to talk to who’s been where you are now, don’t hesitate to DM me. I know people just say that, but I mean it sincerely.

i think you can still be a child. now that you’re free, you can actually do whatever you want.

but also consider that lost time is already lost and if you want to still be a child, adult you also wants to keep moving forward.

…or not, again, up to you.

I just can’t shake this feeling though that things are painfully unfair

It is for everyone…

Everyone else got it, why not me?

Even if your childhood was rougher than most, some had it worse. Like, I saw a story about an adult 5’9 man in his early 20s. His parent took him out of elementary school when CPS started investigating. When he was finally rescued he weighed 70lbs and his teeth were breaking as he tried to eat food, but he was too hungry to stop due to the pain.

So you very well could have had a very shitty childhood, but it’s not as bad as that guy and you’re on your own with the opportunity to support yourself.

To look on the brighter side: all the bullshit that comes with being an adult won’t seem as bad to you.

Nobody is judging you anymore. You’re free to live how you want to. Most people struggle to find a balance between working and life. So you’re not alone there.

I met this traveling nurse who spends fall, winter and spring working, and then spends summer traveling and hiking in the mountains. I met a teacher who does the same. There are many seasonal workers who put in a lot of work in a burst and then take time to themselves - firefighters, wine grape harvest, ski lift/resort.

Keep an open mind, and live simply. Keep few possessions which add a lot of value to your life. Think of what you want to do, then figure out how to get there. At least then if you are working a boring job, it is moving you toward your own goal.

Most people don’t want to work.

I get it, you need to work to make money and pay the rent and bills but… why me?

Because that’s what everybody has to do. You don’t get to get out of it just because you don’t like your circumstances.

You got a rough start mate and I’m really sorry you didn’t get the loving childhood you deserved. You should never have suffered this, and you’re starting on the back foot but held to the standards everyone else is. It’s unfair, and it’s ok to feel that.

I never got a childhood either, so I claim it now. Things like cuddly toys, fun snacks give it to me now. I also get parented in !dadforaminute@lemmy.world and in other ways, that helps.

Man, most of these replies are just the results of living in capitalism and the brainwashing it imposes.

“Work cause you have to… Unless you don’t cause you’re rich!”

One way to measure success as an adult can be how much spare money you have and how much spare time your job gives you. In the last few years I have finally gotten into a position where I can afford to pursue some extra hobbies, buy the latest video game, and take the occasional vacation. I feel like I finally am at the place where I wanted to be as a child, but it’s even cooler because I can drink and make my own decisions.